back in the saddle
with my slow return to physical fitness — using boxing, weights, and stationary cycling — i plan to ride wednesday (thunderstorms permitting) in an informal cycling road race, for the first time since 2002. i already know i’ll be crushed, but the point is to see those wheels up in front of me again, and let that energy kick. i’m never alive like i am planning, successfully or not, to destroy whatever wheel happens to be in sight. that feeling returns just thinking about this ride, though i’m not in racing form yet. if you’ve never raced, you probably think i’m talking bullshit. nope.
i’m nervous. haven’t ridden with this group before, and there are apparently some aggressive state champ type whippersnappers who chew up fucks like me for breakfast. not such a big deal on the flats, but the first attacks on this course apparently come during a bitch climb from hell — one i’ve pretty much sucked ass on so far in training. my strategy: i will not think about it or train anymore before the race. i always did better with little training, for some reason. once i got in the groove after winter, my best race season ever was done simply racing once a week, no training at all. i wasn’t 43 years old then though, nor down from a high of — wait for it — 205 pounds (i’m 6′ tall). 
yes, a few times in the last few years my wasted ass pinned reliable scales at 205. i should probably be around 180 properly fit with more muscle, but so far i’m still at 185 or so, not that i’m doing a magic number search; i can tell by feel and appearance if my weight’s in range. switching to a vegan diet didn’t hurt taking off those disgusting pounds of sitting in bars eating cheese, meat, and dough until i felt like bursting. oh, dem wuz da days.
the nerves. that’s the strangest part. competitive cycling gets my blood moving in a way no solitary activity can match. maybe it’s because i’m not strong enough mentally to excel on my own. lance armstrong used to say that he rode on anger. i think i might ride on shame, with a little anger thrown in. maybe after getting my ass kicked wednesday, i’ll ride for pride the next time. pride — that great illusion where we pretend we control our destiny. well, it works i guess, long as you keep pretending. kinda like US “legal tender”.
July 10th, 2007 at 18:18
In light of your other post (Woods, LRC/Mises, and the whole catholicism and idol-worship thing), thought you might be interested in this:
“I don’t have anything against organized religion per se. We all need something in our lives. I personally just have not accepted that belief. But I’m one of the few.”
– Lance Armstrong, Time, Sept. 29, 2003
and
With his 2005 victory, Lance became a 7-time winner of the Tour de France. Through it all, Lance relied on his own “deep well of reserves and the unconditional support of family and friends” (Lance Armstrong official website), not religion. “I hoped hard, I wished hard, but I didn’t pray.” (It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life, 2000).
——————-
Wonder how many of his fans at LRC and across the USA would drop their poster boy if they only knew?
July 10th, 2007 at 18:50
impossible — now i’m more convinced than ever that he was a doper, if he didn’t have jeeezus on his chainrings!
i lost my faith in lance when i finally recognized the criminal scam of the USP”S”. don’t even watch his old tours anymore.
July 11th, 2007 at 18:01
That’s what he had backing him… not the power of god but something better– moral legitimacy when coercing others!
Praise be the State!
July 11th, 2007 at 21:33
yes, suh!