the IDIOT

been experimenting with car living for the last few years, and i think i’ve finally got it mostly together. funny how difficult such a seemingly simple thing can be. before i yap about that, i want to note an exception. in a 36-hr period this week i was stopped three times by cops — twice while driving, and once in a deserted business parking lot. all three cops were mostly courteous and non-threatening (beyond the usual implied threat of their gig), and two were — wait for it — helpful.

my right rear taillight was out, and that’s what the helpful stops were for. the first guy didn’t even get out his car. he lit me up, i pulled over, and he rolled up next to me just to tell me through his passenger window. i consider taillights a safety issue, so was glad to get the news (the second time was on my way to a different auto parts store — the first being out of stock on the bulbs i needed). i hope car makers will add self-reporting lights soon, if they haven’t.

the third stop was outside a wi-fi hotspot around 01:00. he wanted to know what i was doing, and recommended that if i were going to be doing wi-fi all night, i move to a hotspot from the same vendor a few miles down the road in the same town, since that parking lot’s generally safer.

all three of these stops were exceptional; in none did the cops demand or even request “ID”, or do the “you must be a terrorist” routine. as someone who has far more cop encounters than the average bear, this was damned refreshing. sometimes it’s a local thing. i’ve noted comparatively reasonable cops in this area before.

on the wi-fi vendor thing, the market has led me to pay for it. yeah, i’m pretty good at finding it for “free”, but paying has significant advantages, especially if you’re a late night, car-living dorkus. i throw down $40/mo, and anybody complaining about me parking outside my vendor while i’m online can kiss my black ass.

if you’re interested in car living — even for a short trip — i highly recommend the bible on the subject, an ultra-geek triumph by craig roberts: TEN CONSECUTIVE YEARS LIVING IN CARS: Living, Traveling, Camping, Attending College and Performing Surveillance in Cars—and Loving It!

don’t know how he publishes it now, but my copy, bought in 2001, was custom printed and bound — business report style — with my name in the front. ain’t flashy, and most people would scoff at some of the subjects (including the primary subject), but “incomplete” isn’t a word applicable to craig’s book. great ideas, even though it’s not necessary to use all of them to live in your car successfully. for example, i’ve not yet taken a dump in my car, and don’t plan on it. if ya need to though, just flip to that section in the book.

some general car-living tips, off the top o’ me head:

• car living creeps most people out. make things easier on yourself and hide the more obvious indicators that you’re among the social elite — at least until people know you.
• if mobile, check in with a roving cop in a new town. ask explicitly, though casually, if it’s cool to sleep in cars in “his” town. most places they couldn’t give a fuck less, long as they don’t get complaints. your cop-encounter happiness odds are usually far superior if you approach them instead of the other way around. in PA a couple of years ago, a cop told me exactly where to park — at a business owned by a friend of his.
• don’t do disgusting shit like pee somewhere people walk. car living isn’t a license to be an asshole. in most towns you can find a public bathroom 24-hrs.
• if you’re going to potentially drain your car battery all the way down operating your laptop or whatever, park on a hill so you can roll start (assuming manual transmission and manufacturer approval). when possible, i roll start regardless of battery condition, though it’s supposedly a bad practice on my model vehicle (tough on the catalytic converter?).
• be prepared for cop stops out of nowhere. generally, cops are the curse of the car-living world (imagine that!), especially if you’re a late nighter like me.
• knowing where to park for the night is close to an art. if you’re the only car in a lot, count on at least a cop stopping and shining a bright light through your interior. if you’re visible in that interior, count on being awakened with that same light shining in your eyes. fun! conclusion: avoid, even if it means driving around for 30 minutes finding a better spot.
• you should have your act together for how to behave around cops, especially if you’re awakened from a deep sleep. the usual applies. never consent to a search of you or your vehicle. protest verbally and calmly if either’s attempted. don’t let the cop start the twenty-questions baloney shtick, which always has no ending except you getting fucked. i normally initiate the supply of information — name, and, if relevant, why i’m somewhere most people wouldn’t be at the same time. he wants information much past that, he needs to keep it tight and respectful; you don’t work for him. if he starts playing columbo on your ass, refuse absolutely to engage, because answers to seemingly benign questions are easily used by these assholes to make you seem “suspicious”, blah blah blah. i went that direction a few times before i put my foot down for future encounters. nothing to gain from letting any cop play junior terrorist field investigator; it only encourages the gestapo-style encroachment so common since 9/11.
• perhaps the most telling sign of inexperienced car-livers is fogged-up windows. weather conditions favoring, you can often spot the inhabited car immediately upon turning into a sparse lot. craig roberts deals with this problem extensively in his book. generally, crack all windows a bit, and that helps tremendously. it also lets you hear what’s going on around you. if that keeps you awake, pop in plugs. better to have the option to hear when you need it.
• avoid making the transition from car sleeper to “normal guy sitting in his car” while people can see. both of my iPods have mirror surfaces that are helpful as a periscope. i do a visual/audio check before converting in either direction.
• trust your spidey sense, and never let potential adversaries know that you’re a sitting duck every night. if an area gets hostile, leave it. car living has advantages; withstanding targeted attack isnt one.
• make an effort to throw money in the direction of businesses whose services/facilities you use, whether they know.
• avoid neighborhoods. they may be “public” roads, but they shouldn’t be, and people — especially those with kids — generally are reasonable to expect some creepy fuck’s not camping out on the curb immediately in front of their house. anything out of the ordinary in a neighborhood — especially a strange car with a stranger sitting in it for hours — could trigger a cop visit via complaint. very bad footing. doesn’t matter how peaceful you are; they don’t know you from shinola, and it’s their home.

Tags: 09/11/2001

Posted 20071107 19:57 under liberty. Follow responses through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are closed.