Central Services

Talk to many Americans about the war in Iraq, and you'll hear that the US military went there to defend our freedom. As absurd as that is (to those able to look past the day after tomorrow), it seems that the most recent, and perhaps final, spin claims quite a further proposition: We went to Iraq to free the Iraqi people.

It is rank jealousy I feel when I hear that the world's most powerful military was unleashed to free somebody else, especially when I've been paying through the nose for it. Can't help wondering which military will free me from the enslavement of the federal government.

"Baloney," says proud citizen #24. "If it's so bad here then leave."

I've heard exactly that from two relatives this month. They would have a point, except that this is my country, not the federal government's. If the federal government and its moronic minions want to turn this into the USSA without even the decency to amend the supreme law of the land, it is they who should leave, stand down, or, at worst, allow the return of something which resembles a level of personal invasion consistent with the Constitution – that hallowed nothingness which every senator, representative, and president has sworn to uphold, yet, almost without exception, violates regularly. I know of only one member of the federal government who honors the oath consistently.

"Who's that?" weary family member #5 asks as we nibble hors d'oeuvres before Easter dinner, her eyes bobbing left and right plotting a getaway path from the mad paleo conversation killer.

"Congressman Ron Paul, of Texas."

"Never hoid of 'im."

To the point of consistency, why is it that the classic "America – Love it or leave it" dictum is not applied to these Iraqi people we "liberated"? Hey, Iraqi citizen: Didn't like living under a repressive dictatorship? Then you should have left, you jerk!

"Iraq – Love it or leave it."

Has a ring, I think. Maybe the ruling class can turn it into a bumper sticker down there in Pueblo, Colorado, once they've finished the latest print runs of Preventing Holiday Shopping Headaches and, just in time for the depression, Federal Jobs-How to Find Them and Apply Online. It's an almost palpable pride I sense beaming from the founders down onto the boys manning the presses there at the "Federal Citizen Information Center". Is it coincidence that there are sections on Scams and Postal Jobs on the same page as Federal Jobs? Thumbing through my pocket Constitution for congress's authorization "to impose information banality."

Back to Iraq. I'm waiting, hoping to understand what logic underlies this most recent debacle of the federal government. There's no point in detailing the disgrace here; that's been done well by others at LRC. What I most want to understand is the putrefying attitude of sacrifice held by shameless suckers of the public teat. And it's not limited to feds, military or otherwise. Talk to almost any city cop, and before long you'll get that smarmy "doing you a favor" air. Read one of the many screeds of resentful cops who've taken pen to paper. Soon will emit explicitly that they are out there pounding the pavement for you, not themselves. Well that would be marvelous were it true, but it's not. Turns out that I and many other productive, efficient-living tax victims are the ones pounding the pavement for society, against our will yet. And all we hear is, "you need to give something 'back' to the community." Yeah, right.

I've never detected the slightest bit of selflessness from any pouting cop or soldier. There is often, however, an overwhelming quality of oh too abundant humility. Quoting Ilana Mercer quoting Golda Meir, "Don't be humble. You're not that great." Notice to whiny "public servants": If you don't like the job, find another. Actually, find another regardless. Old-school Americans don't need you quite as much as you fantasize. We don't need, contrary to a recent FAQ promulgated by the government geniuses of terrorist survival via news.yahoo.com, to consider a functioning radio to be our most important piece of survival gear. Why did they? So that we can listen to the instructions of "authorities," otherwise we wouldn't know what to do after a disaster.

How offensive to old-school Americans is this word "authorities" in its frequency. It's polite speak for "bureaucrats," which is a euphemism for leech. And at the root of it all is the implied state of all those who are not "authorities": Helpless. Dependent. Subjugated.

Is there anything about the preceding three terms which conjures images of the men and women who founded this country – this grouping of formerly independent states? America's language and behavior are tilting inevitably to that of the former Soviet Union. And it won't be long before the average American's reply to that is something which would have been mostly unthinkable 40 years ago: "Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing."

Benjamin Constant, writing in 1819:

The danger of ancient liberty was that men, exclusively concerned with securing their share of social power, might attach too little value to individual rights and enjoyments.

The danger of modern liberty is that, absorbed in the enjoyment of our private independence, and in the pursuit of our particular interests, we should surrender our right to share in political power too easily.

The holders of authority are only too anxious to encourage us to do so. They are so ready to spare us all sort of troubles, except those of obeying and paying! They will say to us: what, in the end, is the aim of your efforts, the motive of your labours, the object of all your hopes? Is it not happiness? Well, leave this happiness to us and we shall give it to you. No, Sirs, we must not leave it to them. No matter how touching such a tender commitment may be, let us ask the authorities to keep within their limits. Let them confine themselves to being just. We shall assume the responsibility of being happy for ourselves.

The mythical yet eerily real marketing folk at Central Services (from the unfortunately predictive movie Brazil) put it best with their wonderfully helpful slogan: "You do the work, we do the pleasure."

Think about it.

I was just arguing recently about the war in Iraq with a construction supervisor where I work. To an average, casual observer, this argument would have appeared to be between a red-blooded, patriotic, rugged, self-sufficient American man (construction super), and a skinny commie pinko pacifist (me, database geek) whose only exposure to guns was pushing daisies into a few rifle barrels in the 60s. But something happened. And were it a movie scene, eery music would have presaged the critical moment. In supreme aggravation after heated back and forth argument, the American man bellowed, "The only reason you have the rights you enjoy is because government gave them to you!"

Screech! Excuse me? Government gave me rights?

Upon further consideration, that ridiculous and terribly wrong assertion explains just about everything, doesn't it? I looked that supposed American man in the eye and told him very clearly that the reason I have rights is because I was born, and that it's a concept he might want to look into before opining on the founders, the Constitution, or any of the other icons regularly hurled up by socialists in patriot garb – hurled up until they find out they've stumbled upon a live one who really does care about and understand those seeming conversation stoppers which actually lie at the heart of the several United States. Still.

The time is well nigh that these modern, history-ignorant, broken, socialist Americans with the effrontery to celebrate 4 July each year wake up and understand something elementary: Any language which couches government as our master, savior, benefactor, or friend is the language of a slave and a dupe, not worthy of anyone claiming to accept the mantle from men who stated and supported the following:

That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness . . .

And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

America – Deserve it or leave it. I ain't going anywhere, comrade.

April 23, 2003

Charley Hardman (send him mail) works with databases in Washington, DC.

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