the IDIOT: food on the run

20080229

some food tips i wish i'd known from the start:

when packing a cooler, plan for it to become waterlogged. many drain water from coolers habitually, but cold water has significant temp retention power in it. under moderate temps and shaded placement, a 10-lb bag of ice cools for 3–5 days in an average small cooler. even when all the ice has melted, you've hours of value left from the water. use watertight food containers and let them float. for items that water would harm, consider using dry ice, easily found at some major grocery stores now.

when lighting charcoal with lighter fluid, the key is to let the fluid saturate, not burn it off from the surface. after pouring on the briquettes, wait at least one minute before lighting (two is nice). done properly, it requires very little. saves aggravation and helps keep the food from smelling like petrol. when i think of the gallons of lighter fluid we poured onto heedless charcoal when i was a kid... scary. monstrous flame, no lit briquettes.

some food doesn't always need to be refrigerated — tomatoes for example. after slicing only half a tomato, simply set the unsliced half on a plate, flat side down. it'll keep for at least a day, and smells/tastes much better. cold tomatoes just don't cut it for sandwiches. the smell of a good open tomato at room temperature... intoxicating.

dishes don't always need to be washed. if using your own set on a camping trip, lick everything clean and polish with a rag. sounds gross, but it works great and is efficient as hell. you save water and eat every last bit of food. you can use the same glass for weeks without washing it, no problem. a rinse here, a wipe there.

when water's limited, use spray bottle/mister for things that need to be washed. gets the job done with ounces instead of quarts.

never use a colander for pasta — wasted effort and dries out the noodles. as usual, don't overcook the pasta, then simply drain the cooking pot using a fork to prevent the pasta from dumping into the sink. leave some water in the bottom, then immediately divvy up the pasta onto the plates, pulling the noodles from the top of the pile, when necessary draining as you go. with the leftover, pour olive oil in and stir before taking your seat and chowing. no more dried up seconds. no more picking pasta out of pinholes. colanders with pasta is bullshit.

if reheating cooked pasta, dumping in boiling water is how many restaurants do it (they usually don't cook from scratch just for you). long as you didn't school-cafeteria-destroy the shit first go, it should be okay with a quick re-dunk in the hot.

chicks are suckers for thinking you're a good cook if you let them walk into a room where you sautéed garlic/onions in olive oil. hand her a glass of wine, keep it topped up, and you're not sleeping alone that night.

leave immediately any woman who makes a big deal about eating onions/garlic for dinner. food is half the sex.

pasta needs neither oil nor salt when cooking. stir well for the first 30 seconds; you'll have no starch-glued hunks. salt, schmalt. plenty of that everywhere else, including the table. oversalting chefs should be shunned.